I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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