You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm jealous of your bromance
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
