Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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