I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
