I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
