ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
