I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
