also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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