i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
