There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
