is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
