We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
