I wish I could teleport
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
