Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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