dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize