You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
