I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
