can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
