Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
