Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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