It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
