The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
