is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
