Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
