Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she looked like the before picture.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
