ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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