Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize