He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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