I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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