in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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