i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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