i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
soo... how was my night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
