I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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