people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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