Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
