i jhust puked up my retainher.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize