his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize