3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
how can u be prego again
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
