I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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