We won't sleep together?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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