dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I see more hoeing in ur future
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