My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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