even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
