She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize