Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
