My friends, they love my intelligence
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
