How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
