I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
