You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
