So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
