New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
