no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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