We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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