Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
