your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
