wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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