your parents love me but you hate me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to make out with him forever
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
