I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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