i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
