so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
