My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
false alarm. still invincible.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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