Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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