Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry my hands just texted you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
